My 5:30 alarm went off this morning and I quickly silenced it as I rolled over and fell back to sleep. When I finally did get up at 6:30. I stumbled out to the living room for some time praying and reading the Bible….except I couldn’t find my Bible. So I decided to spend time praying…soon enough my head began to nod as I fought sleep. I put my head in my hands and that is the last thing I remember as my prayer trailed off into dreamworld. Ever been here? You have the desire to desire God and spend time with God…but you lack actually desire. You want to hunger and thirst but you aren’t. That is me right now. There have been seasons in which I would wake up sporadically through the night wondering if morning had come yet so I could meet with God. 4:30 AM was a blessed hour. Now look at me! I feel like an unmotivated pig content to lay in a mud puddle. Unmotivated, near sighted, pitiful.
My wife even noticed my dejected look this morning and asked why I was so downcast. I told her I was disappointed with how little I desired God. Later I was bemoaning this fact with a pastor colleague of mine. He pointed me to a piece of scripture many of us know but perhaps gloss over.
Phillipians 2:10 “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
He said, “we pray very often for God to show us what to do. We pray very often for his will to be made clear. But, we do not pray very much that God would work in us to will… his good purposes.”
His words struck true. I desire to desire God…but I don’t actually desire him the way I should. I have the will to will, but I am strangely unmoved. Perhaps you are struggling with this malaise too. Confess any known sin first. Then ask our Father in heaven to stir up in your spirit a hunger and thirst for Him like you have never had! Ask God to woo your heart away from your slumber. Ask God to captivate your heart. Ask God for the will to know Him, not just the power to, the wisdom to, or the faith to. God is the one who works in us. He works with our lazy wills and ignites burning desire for relationship with him. Oh Lord, cause us to desire you again. Put a little salt on our tongues and cause us to remember our thirst and our need again. Amen.